


Sorry

by mukario



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukario/pseuds/mukario
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivan is all alone for the longest time, until Yao tries to befriend him. He accidentally learns Ivan's deepest secrets. Russia's point of view. Sorry for all of the Russian and Chinese words.<br/>(reuploaded from fanfiction.net)<br/>2017 edit: Hahaa hi this fic is kinda gross. Don't romanticize self harm, kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

It started pretty simply. "Привет" was all I said. The other children just stared up at me fearfully, unsure if I would hurt them or what have you.

Years later, I would continue saying "Привет" and get the same response. Fear. Why? What did I do wrong?

I met a girl; Wang Chun-Yan was her name. I said Привет and she didn't run away. "Как поживаешь?" She stayed. "Рад тебя видеть!" She stayed. "Я тебя люблю." She ran.

I'm not sure if it was Chun-Yan that put me over the edge, it might have been her brother Yao that confronted me soon after. But he too was afraid of me.

It might've been a lot of things, but one afternoon I came home and attempted to slit my throat. It was a pretty shitty attempt, as I managed to scratch myself all around my neck and do no real damage. They did leave pretty good scars though. And that's why I wear the bandages. That's why I wear turtlenecks. That's why I wear Irunya's scarf.

Neither Irunya nor Natalya found out about that. I don't think anyone did. They're still hidden and no one bothers to ask. That's fine though, I don't mind.

No one found out up until I met Yao again.

He and I were in the same physical education class, and so we had to change into our gym uniforms together. Scarves and other neckwear were strictly forbidden, which left me in just my bandages during that time. People stared, of course, but no one dared to ask why I wore them.

Well, no one aside from Yao.

He simply walked up to me as I took of my shirt one day, gave a soft "你好" and asked that question.

Why do I wear these?

Of course I wouldn't tell him, but I said "Простите" and was on my way.

For days after that, he wouldn't dare bring up that subject but would instead try to have small conversations with me. It was a sweet gesture, but I wanted him to leave me the hell alone.

He decided to ask once more one day, and frankly it pissed me off. I stormed out of the locker room and went home. I decided my scarred self wasn't worth anything after all, no one talks to me for any other reason than to find the truth.

I was unaware that he followed me.

I ran inside of my house and dropped my shit on the ground in the hallway. Thankfully Irunya and Natalya weren't home.

I ran upstairs to my room and rummaged through my closet until I found an old rope that used to hang my tire swing on our tree in the front yard. Soon, it would be hanging something different.

The ceiling fan was right above me, and I threw the rope around it. I tied the other end into a noose while pulling over my desk chair. I stepped up, slipped the noose over my head, and I was ready.

I could faintly hear someone else come into the house, but I didn't care. I was too focused, I guess.

I started counting out loud. "десять, девять, восемь, семь, шесть, пять..."

I could hear footsteps on the hard stairs and they gradually got louder.

"Четыре..."

I braced myself and took a deep breath.

"Три..."

Just one step.

"Два..."

"住手!"

I stopped. My eyes opened wider, and I saw Yao panting in the doorway, tears spilling over his eyes. I couldn't move.

He stood and got up on the chair with me. He took the noose off of me and let it fall to the floor. He then pulled me down onto the carpet with him, and only the sound of his sobs could be heard. Everything else was quiet. He buried his head into my chest in a tight hug.

"为什么?" he said. "为什么?"

I couldn't say anything.

I wasn't wearing my scarf at that time; I had shoved it into my bag right before I left. I was still wearing my t-shirt, and my bandages were visible.

Yao reached up and began undoing them slowly. He pulled them away and was the first person to see them.

"为什么?"

"прости меня" was all I could choke out. "прости меня..."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Привет = Hi  
> Как поживаешь? = How are you doing?  
> Рад тебя видеть! = Nice to see you  
> Я тебя люблю = I love you  
> 你好 = Hi  
> Простите = Sorry  
> десять, девять, восемь, семь, шесть, пять... = 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5...  
> Четыре... = 4...  
> Три... = 3...  
> Два... = 2...  
> 住手! = Stop!  
> 为什么? = Why?  
> прости меня = Forgive me/I'm sorry


End file.
